The New Playbook For Work: Emotional Intelligence

By David Owasi and Evgeny Gotfrid

The rules that govern professional success are changing. The new rules predict who is most likely to become a star performer and who is most prone to be derailed. Work environments have become more collaborative, team-oriented and growth-centered than ever before. There is less emphasis and glamour around being a solo, reclusive genius. In this new age, a forte in communication, integrity, adaptability, and leadership have become the leading metrics for workplace success. This success can be measured in the form of potential for promotion, employability, and range of opportunities. These rules apply to all of us, regardless of trade and background, and they have little to do with what we were told was important in school. The unfortunate reality is that academic abilities are largely irrelevant to this standard, and are becoming less of a differentiating factor for employers. The value of understanding and taking advantage of emotional intelligence (EQ) has never been more relevant to the cause of rising to the new demands of escaping mediocrity. 

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. An emotionally-intelligent individual is highly conscious of his or her own emotional state, be it joy or frustration. Similarly, an emotionally-intelligent individual is accurately dialed-in to the real-time emotions of others. As such, having skills that encourage sensitivity to internal and external emotional signals can make you a competent builder and keeper of relationships in all spheres of life. What is particularly exciting, is that these skills can be learned and honed. In this article, we wish to share some insight with practical steps to help you stand out from the crowd today. 

Emotional Awareness

How often do you consider your internal affairs? When was the last time you’ve reflected on how your actions and emotions have impacted others? Both questions relate to emotional awareness - a sophisticated mental radar we all possess. Emotional awareness is the ability to recognize your emotion and their effects. Individuals at work who are competent in emotional awareness recognize how their feelings affect their performance, they can realize the links between their feelings and what they think, do, and say. Your mind, where emotions are processed, is the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Learning how to leverage it can grant you immense success in your professional life. The key to access this potential starts with awareness which closely governs self-control.

Self-control is a person’s ability to control their own emotions, thoughts, and behavior despite temptations. At work, self-control helps you keep disruptive emotions and impulses in check. As such, it is a critical cognitive process that is useful in regulating your own behavior to achieve goals. Just like many other skills, it works like a muscle - the more you practice it, the better you become at it. Self-control should be treated like a limited resource, it is hardest to execute when you are mentally tired or physically exhausted. Individuals at work that are competent in self-control stay composed, positive and reliable even in trying moments. They possess the ability to think clearly and stay focused under pressure.

Being able to practice restraints when you are tempted by impulse and temptation is a foundational building block for success, integrity, and character. Take a moment to consider your own strength with this skill. What are some impulses or temptations that you are trying to work through? When was a time that you missed a goal due to the lack of self-control? Think through these questions and write them down. Here are some steps you can take to improve your self-control both at work and in life:

1) Identify the target behavior that you are trying to regulate. 

2) Analyze the behavior by answering the following questions:

• When did this behavior start?

• How is it impacting you?

• How will changing this help you? 

• What triggers the behavior?

3) Isolate the behavior when temptation occurs.

4) Write down what you are feeling tempted to do.

5) On the same page, note how the behavior will impact you. 

6) Keep the page in front of you until the urge goes away, and throw it out once it does.

These basic steps will help you stay in more control throughout the day to save yourself time, and depending on the behavior - save your integrity. Practicing self-control regularly will allow you to stand out at your workplace. It will also help you build a reputation as someone who has integrity, is reliable, which creates future opportunities.

Empathy is another powerful tool regulated by emotional awareness. Being empathetic means having the ability to understand the feelings and perspectives of others. Most jobs involve an extensive amount of interaction with other people, and every single person we work with is different. How we behave, what we say, or what we do can be perceived very differently. Being aware of how your actions impact others can allow you to make the right adjustments to cater your communication to different individuals and groups. This personal approach will not only allow you to build better relationships, but it will help you advance in your workplace as a “people person”. If you happen to be in a role that involves sales (service, product, value etc.), this is one of the most foundational components of persuasive selling. People buy from those they trust, and the foundation of trust is built on good relationships. Individuals at work who are competent in empathy are attentive to emotional cues and actively-listen. They show sensitivity, and take the time to understand the perspectives and concern of others.

Empathy involves several layers:

1. Listening/Observing - communication is typically accompanied by many cues of tone, emotion, and choice of words. Make sure you listen to the person in front of you, without ammo-loading your next response. When you actively listen and observe their body language or tone, you will be able to better understand them.

2. Validating - When the person in front of you finishes speaking, validate what you heard to make sure that you are on the same page. You don’t have to say things word for word, but give them an idea of what you captured so that they know you understand. This is crucial and making sure your counterpart feels heard.

3. Following up - Check in on how they are feeling about the interaction or the topic that you discussed at the end of a conversation. You can achieve this by asking some questions such as:

• “I know it was important for you that we covered _____ in this conversation. Do you feel like we achieved that outcome?”

• “Just to recap what we discussed. We talked about ____, ____, and ____. Is there anything we missed?”

• “Is there anything else you would like to walk through before we wrap up?”. 

Self-Assessment

Accurate self-assessment is the ability to know one’s inner resources, abilities and limits. People who are competent in self-assessment are aware of their strengths and weaknesses. They achieve this awareness by gathering internal and external data. These people often take the time to reflect and learn from experiences, while also welcoming candid feedback, and fresh perspectives from others. Self-assessment is an important tool that helps you make the best use of your strengths to hit your goals, while seeking help to fill gaps in areas of weakness. Individuals who master this skill know how to best contribute to projects, making them exceptionally valuable in team environments.

The path to self-discovery is a life-long journey that is the sum of our self-reflections. Sounds daunting, right? Fortunately, getting better at self-assessment is simple if you can conquer discipline. Your best tool to get better at this skill is a journal - a place to write down your thoughts and generate self-dialogue. The more you journal and sit in your thoughts, the more data you will possess to work with. As such, we have two tips and two pieces of advice.

Steps:

1) Choose your journal. Don’t worry about getting the fancy $60 leather-bound books. You can find one for less than $10 in most bookstores. We like using the medium size lined-paper moleskine journals. You can also choose to do this digitally, but we find it less intimate and advise against it as you are more likely to get distracted.

2) Get started! It doesn’t have to look pretty, flow, or even have proper sentence structure. The main idea here is to pen your thoughts on paper and reflect on the good, the exciting, and the ugly. Note down the things that are going well, the things that you are excited about, and the things that are challenging.

Tips:

1) Closely related to step 2, keep it simple and don’t overthink it. Get started with “Hello Journal, my day has been _______”. Just get that pen on the paper and write down your self-dialogue.

2) Don’t feel pressured to write every day, or to be elaborate in how you express themselves. If you can journal 2-3 times a week, you’re in great shape and it won’t feel like a chore.

Adaptability

Being adaptable in the work place means having the capacity to meet challenges and adjusting one’s strategy or style based on what the environment needs. Adaptable individuals remain open to novel ideas and demonstrate flexibility while responding to change. This makes them exceptionally valuable to employers, especially with the rapid changes in technology and the obstacles that come with it. 

The single most important step to become more adaptable, is actively putting yourself in situations that requires you to adapt. Every single one of us has something called a comfort zone - an emotional bandwidth. A single step beyond the reach of this bandwidth feels uncomfortable, and every added step adds more layers of anxiety, uncertainty, and fear. Crossing this comfort zone is a catalyst for adaptation, and when you actively put yourself in an environment where you need to adapt, you will become someone who is comfortable with being uncomfortable. This is an edge that companies are willing to pay for, and you need if you wish to beat mediocrity. Here are three points of advice to help you build this skill:

1. Take on projects, opportunities, or tasks that either intimidate you, or in which you have a skill gap. 

2. Be vulnerable. When you take on something that is new, make it clear that you have a few gaps in knowledge, and that you may need help. This will make it easier for you to take the next step. 

3. Ask for help. People appreciate those who help them even if they do not immediately know how to do parts of it. Put in the necessary leg work to figure out as much as you can on your own, but when you get stuck, ask for assistance. Others will be more than happy to help and fill the gaps. 

This will result in you developing into a stand out performer and become a person who is known for their ability to take on new challenges and excel. This can put you on the map for promotion, new roles, bigger responsibility and potentially bigger pay. It also guarantees your development as a professional. 

Our advice is to pick one area from this article, and make it a focus over the next 4-6 weeks. Once you feel you could help someone else improve on what you’ve been working on, move on to the next. Whichever part of EQ you choose to work on first, you can bet that it will move you one step closer to that promotion, advancement, or breakthrough.